I am not so good with letting go and allowing someone else to be in charge. Why? Maybe I have an authority problem? I am a control freak? I like everything in order and on a schedule? Maybe I have a trust issue? Here's the plain ol' truth--I like to have my own way!
I am trying so hard to learn to let go and live a NO REGRET LIFE! It is hard, I question everything! I take one step forward and then two steps back. I surrender my issues to God, to only pick them back up again. I am in a place of uncertainty, restlessness.
It is my desire to follow Christ and obey his commands. I just think I need to do it with out complaining or back talking! (I feel like I am speaking to my children). This week I am going to try and leave things alone, no messing them with. I have run out of answers. I don't have any quick comebacks or comments. I am frustrated and scared. I am in water too deep. But, I am thankful I have a relationship with The One who knows ME, really knows me and LOVES me where I am TODAY! All messed up and afraid. Jesus is my fortress, my very present help!
Proverbs 20: 24 "The Lord directs our steps, so why try to understand everything along the way?"
"Dear Father,
I am upset and feel very out of sync right now. I thought I knew you, really knew you before this adoption process to only realize that I knew nothing. I am slowly rediscovering your grace and your love. The things I thought I let go of years ago are staring at me now. God, I ask you for forgiveness and I lay these at your feet once again--my inability to trust in something I can't see, allowing you to be the one in control of my life, all consuming worry, simply just letting go. Jesus, help me remember that Satan is the father of lies and you are the FATHER OF TRUTH. I thank you Lord that you have good things planned for my life and for my family. You have ordained this time and I praise you for the trials. Let me grow and be confident in your strength. Even though I don't know when our daughter will be home, you do. I don't know what is going on with the government in ET, you do. Thank you for the being my rock, help me remember that you are not going to leave me nor will you leave my little sparrow. Thank you for listening to me when I grumble and complain. It is my desire to follow you, unashamed and without fear. I love you, Lord. Amen"
As I paused to gather my last thoughts, this was spoken to my heart:
- All to Jesus I surrender;
All to Him I freely give;
I will ever love and trust Him,
In His presence daily live.- Refrain:
I surrender all,
I surrender all;
All to Thee, my blessed Savior,
I surrender all.
- Refrain:
- All to Jesus I surrender;
Humbly at His feet I bow,
Worldly pleasures all forsaken;
Take me, Jesus, take me now. - All to Jesus I surrender;
Make me, Savior, wholly Thine;
Let me feel the Holy Spirit,
Truly know that Thou art mine. - All to Jesus I surrender;
Lord, I give myself to Thee;
Fill me with Thy love and power;
Let Thy blessing fall on me. - All to Jesus I surrender;
Now I feel the sacred flame.
Oh, the joy of full salvation!
Glory, glory, to His Name!
