Glory Be! She's FREE! We have a new Daughter!

Sunday, May 31, 2009

Jesus, take the wheel!

I am not so good with letting go and allowing someone else to be in charge. Why?  Maybe I have an authority problem?  I am a control freak?  I like everything in order and on a schedule?  Maybe I have a trust issue?  Here's the plain ol' truth--I like to have my own way!

I am trying so hard to learn to let go and live a NO REGRET LIFE!  It is hard, I question everything!  I take one step forward and then two steps back.  I surrender my issues to God, to only pick them back up again.  I am in a place of uncertainty, restlessness.  

It is my desire to follow Christ and obey his commands.  I just think I need to do it with out complaining or back talking!  (I feel like I am speaking to my children).  This week I am going to try and leave things alone, no messing them with.  I have run out of answers.  I don't have any quick comebacks or comments.  I am frustrated and scared.  I am in water too deep.  But, I am thankful I have a relationship with The One who knows ME, really knows me and LOVES me where I am TODAY!  All messed up and afraid.   Jesus is my fortress, my very present help!   
Proverbs 20: 24 "The Lord directs our steps, so why try to understand everything along the way?"

"Dear Father,
 I am upset and feel very out of sync right now.    I thought I knew you, really knew you before this adoption process to only realize that I knew nothing.  I am slowly rediscovering your grace and your love.  The things I thought I let go of years ago are staring at me now.   God, I ask you for forgiveness and I  lay these at your feet once again--my inability to trust in something I can't see, allowing you to be the one in control of my life, all consuming worry,  simply just letting go.   Jesus, help me remember that Satan is the father of lies and you are the FATHER OF TRUTH.   I thank you Lord that you have good things planned for my life and for my family.  You have ordained this time and I praise you for the trials.  Let me grow and be confident in your strength.  Even though I don't know when our daughter will be home, you do.  I don't know what is going on with the government in ET, you do. Thank you for the being my rock, help me remember that you are not going to leave me nor will you leave my little sparrow.   Thank you for listening to me when I grumble and complain.   It is my desire to follow you, unashamed and without fear.  I love you, Lord.  Amen"

As I paused to gather my last thoughts, this was spoken to my heart:  

  1. All to Jesus I surrender;
    All to Him I freely give;
    I will ever love and trust Him,
    In His presence daily live.
    • Refrain:
      I surrender all,
      I surrender all;
      All to Thee, my blessed Savior,
      I surrender all.
  2. All to Jesus I surrender;
    Humbly at His feet I bow,
    Worldly pleasures all forsaken;
    Take me, Jesus, take me now.
  3. All to Jesus I surrender;
    Make me, Savior, wholly Thine;
    Let me feel the Holy Spirit,
    Truly know that Thou art mine.
  4. All to Jesus I surrender;
    Lord, I give myself to Thee;
    Fill me with Thy love and power;
    Let Thy blessing fall on me.
  5. All to Jesus I surrender;
    Now I feel the sacred flame.
    Oh, the joy of full salvation!
    Glory, glory, to His Name!


Cindy Foote said...

You are probably in a better place than you even realize as it is that humility, honesty and on-your-knees desperation that both changes you to be more like Him AND that moves his heart. I am so sorry for how hard this is and how it is grieving your soul, but I pray that God will fulfill his promise to you that what he has begun in you and in your little sparrow will be brought to completion at just the right time and that EVERYTHING will be turned to good for you because you love him and He loved you first. Love you - Cindy

Debi said...

You and your family and sweet Ava Joy have been on my heart and mind to pray for you today.
It is the waiting and trusting when you don't know the outcome that is the hardest but where we also learn and grow in faith the most.
Rest in knowing that God hears and sees and knows and does all things well.
"May the God of all hope fill you with joy and peace as you trust in Him so you will overflow with hope by the Holy Spirit." Romans 15:13
Love and hugs and prayers,

sue said...

You don't know me (we had shared an e-mail...i live in Houston) but your words spoke to my heart. My court date was to be heard one day after your court date. In the early days I would go to your blog to see how many days were left until my court date. My case was never heard because my little one was abandoned in Addis Ababa and is caught up in the closure for all of those cases. I don't do well with the unknown...I want to be in charge with what is going on. I want to know what is going on! As we both know that is not going to happen. Your words were a reminder to me to let go and let God! He is much better qualified to be in charge than I am. I will keep praying for you as you wait and joyfully anticipate your good news. Sue